Miss E's Musings

Book recs

Thanks for the nap advice, and thanks especially to Laura C and Goddess in Progress, with whom I traded emails on Monday.  I'll consider changing the morning routine.  The past two days have gone beautifully.  I feel more relaxed now that I know what an alternate schedule might look like, and the 2-3-4 rule is useful.  Yesterday I did get the girls up before 9 am and they readily took naps at 12-12:30 and then again later in the afternoon after an outing to Target.  We moved up bedtime 20 minutes, and they slept soundly until 5 (Ivy) and 6 (Nina).

I mentioned that I was disappointed in Weissbluth's new book, so I ought to mention parenting books that I have found useful so far:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, Book Two, "On the Shelf."  Meg is hardly an intellectual role model, but the narrator's commentary and Marmee's advice on how to juggle twin parenting and marriage are solid:  Lay off the caffeine, let others actually help out, get plenty of fresh air, and most importantly, don't shut out your husband.  Damn straight, Marmee.

MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths.  This book is awesome!  It's based on the Myers-Briggs system of personality type, with plenty of examples and questions to help identify your type.  Often I get ESFJ, seemingly because I'm not shy with new people, but according to this book I'm INFJ, the "Know Thyself" mother.  Then the book lists strengths, weaknesses, and tips for that personality type.  I need to remember to give myself time alone and to take things in stride rather than "extrapolate a castastrophic outcome."  What I especially like about this book, in addition to all the QUIZZES!!!!, is that it reminds me that the best way to use my free time is the way I have always liked to use it, with a book or a dog walk, instead of the mani-pedi mantra that I hear so often.

Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family by Amy Thiemann.  Serenity first mentioned this new book, and I've since recommended it to friends.  I like the fact that Thiemann comes right out and says, "Motherhood is not the most important job in the world."  It's a relationship, albeit one with more physical labor than most relationships.  (And when I hear people say that it's the most important job, I always wonder who they consider their bosses -- the kids?)  Thiemann is also big on long-term goal setting, which is a good kick in the pants for me.  Infertility derailed my sense of ambition, but now I'm considering going for a master's degree in a different field in a couple of years, when the girls are in preschool.  D. and I are also talking about a special (kid-free) trip to celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary, which is 3 years away, but it's never too early to get excited about PARIS!

The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Kamp.  This book got me through the first couple of months.  I didn't even really know how to rock a baby before Ivy and Nina were born, let alone soothe one.  I still use a lot of the techniques, especially white noise, which blocks out the sounds of our creaky Bungalow.

The Long-Awaited Stork by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer is a good book about parenting after infertility, and I'm waiting to read The Belated Baby by Kelly James-Enger and Jill S. Browning.

My favorite book about parenting twin babies is Twinspiration by Cheryl Lage, and I give Dr. Barbara Luke's When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads at least half the credit for getting the babies to 36.5 weeks (my cervix gets the other half).

When I interviewed our pediatrician, I asked which reference books I should have on hand.  She looked surprised and then recommended the AAP's Caring for Your Baby and Young Child and Your Child's Health. 

Dream a little dream of sleep

There are many lovely aspects of having twins.

Out-of-sync naptime is not one of them.

For the past week or so, I've had a really hard time getting Ivy down for her naps.  I try to watch for the signs of sleepiness and get her up to her crib, but she takes forever to fall asleep once there, and she kicks or fusses all the while.  In the meantime I'm either listening for Nina downstairs or watching Nina sleep in her crib, with baited breath and gritted teeth.  And once Ivy is down, Nina is awake, and thus the naptime hours are a far cry from restful.  To be honest, I feel downright frantic.

Perhaps someone can help me.  To that extent, here's the girls' general sleep and feeding schedule:

• Babies wake up and have big bottles around 6:30 am.  D. and I feed the girls together and put them back to bed.  They sleep until about 9-10 am.  I know this is not a typical baby schedule, but this is my best part of the day and I am very loath to change it.  While the girls are sleeping, I eat breakfast, read the paper and go online, (occasionally) exercise, and shower.  It is my only real "me" time.
• Small bottles and cereal mixed with fruit at 10 am.  
• From 10:30 to about 11:45 is activity time: exersaucers or jumperoos, often with Baby Einstein DVD so that I can do some freelance work or do dishes or laundry.  This is also the best time to run errands or go to the park. 
• Babies used to want a nap around noon, but this is the part that gets out of whack.  The babies nap for 30-60 minutes; Nina usually takes a shorter nap.  
• Big bottles and veggies with rice at 2 pm.  Repeat activity time, with books and songs, often on front porch if it's not too hot.  Naptime around 4.  If the noontime nap was short, this one is longer, and vice versa.  Again, naptime is not always an easy process.  Sometimes I can lie down for 10 minutes or so, or 20 minutes if I'm lucky.
• Big bottles and meat at 5:30, and big bedtime bottles by 8:30.  D. is home to help with both feedings.  Babies are almost always asleep by 9 and sleep pretty soundly through the night.  If they wake up, they just want a cuddle or tummy rub and are back asleep quickly.  I'm trying to push bedtime back to 8, but the girls seem to be waking up earlier, possibly due to the summer solstice/earlier sunrise.  

Until the girls were 6 months old, the pediatrician insisted on 5 bottles/day, 4 hours apart until bedtime.  Now she wants the girls to have at least 4 bottles/day, about 4 hours apart during the day, until they are 1 year old.  A lot of the baby-care books, with earlier suggested bedtimes, seem to be based on 3-4 bottles/day.  I'm sticking with our pediatrician's recommendation.  

In general, the girls are very happy and good humored, even after a short naptime.  And they're getting about 13-14 hours of sleep per 24 hours, as recommended.  The only problem is naptime.  I'm sure that most parents would tell me that this is a comparatively small problem -- indeed, I have been told so!  I just wish I didn't feel so frazzled and angry at these times.  

I do have Dr. Weissbluth's brand-new book on sleep-training multiples.  It's a disappointment.  It's helpful to know that fraternal twins generally do not have the same sleep needs (they are more like regular siblings who happened to gestate together), but the book seems very light on the logistics of handling and caring for twins, to say nothing of the emotional stress of parenting multiples.  (This book doesn't say much about triplets or higher-order multiples.)  And I don't think much of his suggestion that one person (dad) always put both babies to bed.  Morning and bedtime feedings with D. in the nursery are so cozy and sweet.  And I've found that it generally takes 2 people to get 2 babies to bed at the same time.  

Anyway, I would be glad of any advice or philosophy, especially from readers with multiples.  Thanks!

American girls

I can't believe that next weekend is the 4th.  I'd better run to Old Navy and buy my foreign-made $5 T-shirt emblazoned with a flag and "2009," which means it will be hopelessly out of date next year.  That's the good American way! 

Sarcasm aside, I do love Independence Day.  When I was a kid, we always had a pool party and cook-out at my uncle's house.  To me, the holiday is the feel of warm, wet concrete on bare feet; hot dogs and burgers sizzling on a grill; the echo of a basketball hitting the driveway; the blast of cold air-conditioning on my barely-toweled-off skin as I stepped through the sliding glass door to grab a Rice Krispie treat from the kitchen table; and of course writing my name in cursive with a lit sparkler.  When my grandpa was alive, he would stand at the poolside and toss quarters into the water (he probably first did this while stationed in the Pacific during WW2), and later he would make ice cream in a wooden machine.  When night fell, we would sit on a nearby hill with the other subdivision families and watch the across-town fireworks shoot above the (knee high by the 4th) cornfields and fizzle out on their way to the ground.  The fizzle is my favorite part. 

Next weekend also marks my 10th anniversary in St. Louis.  I moved here after graduation, ostensibly for a new job but really to get away from the expectation that I would join the rest of the suburban herd and go to Chicago.  St. Louis has been good to me.  Now I can see fireworks through the wide span of the Arch; if D. and I go downriver to a small city park, we can see displays for miles up and down the valley, and I know that far upstream, my parents are watching their own fireworks.  That's the real draw -- same river, different town; I feel grounded although I can't play the "Where'd you go to high school?" game.

We've been invited to our friends' house for the 4th.  We've been invited before but never went; maybe we had something else to do, or maybe I didn't want to be in their subdivision with so many families with young kids.  But now it's a better fit.  Their youngest daughter is just a month younger than Ivy and Nina.  When I close my eyes, I can see these babies as small children begging for sparklers, or as 5th-graders conspiring to sit together for the fireworks, and I suddenly feel the need to ask my aunt exactly how she made such gooey Rice Krispie treats.

7 months (just pics)

Bookshelf confessionals

I have been in love 3 times.  The first was in high school and was my first brush with actual requited love, backroads makeout sessions (the sheer number of deserted farm lanes is a great thing about the Midwest), and, inevitably, with heartbreak.  Cue Taylor Swift's "Fifteen": "When all you wanted was to be wanted."

The second was a guy in college, junior year.  I met him at a party at his apartment; we traded a couple of flirty emails and talked about going to a party the next weekend; it never happened.  Later I heard that he was seeing someone.  A few months later his roommates had another party, and I was there but his girlfriend had just broken up with him -- I soon learned that "just" meant the hour before the party, which should have been a big red flag, but I still liked him too much to resist any opportunity, and it was springtime, an especially emotionally susceptible time of year.  So we dated from spring break to finals, but the semester ended with nothing more than promises to exchange emails.  I think he did truly like me and tried to get back together the next year, but we kept misreading signals and misinterpreting email flirtation.  Cue "He's Just Not That Into You."

The third time was with D.  I knew on our first date, which was ice skating outdoors, that I was going to fall in love with him.  (And D. has always said that he knew very early on that he wanted to marry me, but tantalizingly he has never told me exactly when he first knew this.)  The course of true love never runs perfectly smooth, but ours has been pretty straightforward, honest, and deep.

Recently I realized that one trait these two boys and this man have in common is that they weren't voracious readers like myself, but they all shared my passion for a particular children's author or book.  High school boyfriend, Laura Ingalls Wilder; college boy, Roald Dahl; D., Beverly Cleary, Dr. Seuss, and Richard Scarry.  How could I not love the boy who had taken a Farmer Boy class in College for Kids, the boy who brought The BFG to college with him, and the man who knows all about Ramona and Goldbug and displayed The Lorax in his apartment?

Vulnerability is essential to love.  When Ivy and Nina are old enough to date, I'll tell them that the best place to look for a boy's heart is on his bookshelves.*

*Or "a girl's heart... her bookshelves."

7 months

Tomorrow the girls will be 7 months old.  It's been awhile since I wrote much about the girls' individual, unfolding personalities.  The reason is that I'm unexpectedly reticent to put much of their lives on the Internet.  Blogging has its consequences, one of which is the loss of privacy.  I'm not sure that this next generation will thank the mommy bloggers.  I've been thinking about a post Krissy wrote for How Do You Do It?, in which she asked "at what point does [blogging] cross the line?" and whether the next generation will say "we were always too busy multitasking to truly pay attention?".

So although I had registered a new blog for Ivy and Nina before they were born, with the intention of using it as a family-accessible blog, I've never posted to it and probably won't ever do so.  I email pictures to friends and relatives or post them on Facebook.  I don't do the latter very often because some of my Facebook contacts are experiencing infertility and Facebook sometimes seems more like "Mombook" as it is.

With that disclaimer, here are some details about the girls at 7 months.

Nina is a very tactile baby.  Since her first month, she has loved to touch fabrics, skin, etc., and now she is grabbing everything in sight, including my hair, and trying to put it in her mouth.  She laughs when she is held face to face, and she kicks and wiggles in our arms when she is especially excited.  She trashes her crib like a rock star in a hotel room.  She likes to be outside and is calmed by fresh air and the outdoors.  Nina is half an inch taller than Ivy but sometimes seems longer because she so often stretches and points her feet, then circles them one way and then the other, which I call "Ninalates."  She likes to coo and babble, and she is extremely fond of a little stuffed turtle that hangs on the toy bar of her bouncer, as well as a cat face-shaped board book.  She clings to us more than Ivy does and isn't as comfortable being passed around a group of people.  Sometimes she has nightmares.  Her eye color continues to darken and sometimes looks brown, but I think it might remain hazel. Nina's eyes are almond shaped and fringed by dark, thick lashes, and her mouth is wide and rather sensual; sometimes her lower lip is tucked in questioningly to one side.  Her hair is coming in light-brown, and her complexion is olive.

Ivy is quite observant.  She studies objects and is interested in the Baby Einstein sign language DVD.  Truth be told, she is interested in ALL Baby Einstein DVDs, especially the puppet shows, and she seems to have an early sense of humor, judging from the way she laughs at the puppets' jokes.  (She also boos critically at some dull scenes in one DVD, such as the English/French/Mandarin/Spanish "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."  Bring back the puppets!)  She has a megawatt smile and the bawdiest barroom laugh I've ever heard in a baby.  She is crazy for "I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly" and lately screams with delight when I read a rhyming bunny book to her.  I call her my little hop-frog because she loves to kick and jump.  She likes to put her hands in her mouth after receiving a spoonful of food and suck the food from her fingers and sleeves.  Ivy has a darling little Reese Witherspoon-like chin, a marvelous cupid's-bow mouth (which is going to look awesome in red lip gloss), chubby cheeks, porcelain skin, and bright blue eyes with Bette Davis eyelids, which she gets from D.'s family.  Her blonde hair sticks straight up from her head.  She has gone from being nearly 3/4-pound lighter at birth to being 3 ounces heavier than Nina!

Both babies worship Sadie, especially like to be carried down the stairs, rock the hell out of their bouncers (sometimes watching each other and then bouncing in union), and are interested in each other.  They seem to understand that they have to take turns.  Developmentally, they aren't superstars with the big milestones, but they are on track (rolling over, reaching and transferring with hands, sitting up partly assisted, responding to her name, etc.) and the pediatrician says they're doing great.  Everyone tells me what good babies they are, and it's true that they are pretty easy-going and good humored.  Lucky parents are we!

 

Lovely lady lumps

Yesterday I had a breast ultrasound to investigate some postpartum changes in my breast structure.  The mammography and breast ultrasound department was already familiar to me, as it was right across the hall from the perinatal ultrasound department.  

Everything is just fine.  There were no lumps, nor anything suspicious.  The radiologists said that I have very dense breasts and they probably have significantly changed since giving birth (i.e., shrunk!) and so my ribs and the attaching muscles are probably more prominent.  One doctor -- a very young woman, whose chic outfit channeled Dr. Cuddy on House -- said that new research suggests the female breast is not fully mature until after pregnancy.  And she said, "I certainly do not advocate this, but most women who seek breast augmentation do so after giving birth."  Good thing she added the disclaimer, or I might take it as a hint!  LOL

Jinxed

At least re: uninterrupted sleep.  I've been up and down the last 2 nights.  Ivy has been kicking in her sleep, with the thuds on the mattress resounding through the house; Sadie has found it necessary to go out in the middle of the night to poop; and Nina has woken up with soaked diapers.

Any tips on how to keep Ivy from kicking?  She usually gets about 3 total hours of naptime in the late morning and mid-afternoon; I don't think she seems sleep deprived, but maybe she is.  Or maybe she is unsettled by not having as much cuddling before bedtime, since I'm feeding the babies using the bouncy sets on vibrate.  Neither baby cries in the nighttime, so we haven't had to attempt any CIO (cry-it-out).

I am very ready for D. to get home tomorrow.  Only 14 bottles to go.

Holding down the Bungalow

My Memorial Day weekend has been nicer than I anticipated on Wednesday, when D. was summoned to work night shifts for a week at a power plant in rural central Illinois (his field is i.ndustrial h.ealth and s.afety).  Unlike the union workers, he is NOT earning overtime holiday pay, and trying to get a few hours' sleep during the day at a crummy hotel is not my idea of fun.  Nor is 24/7 childcare for twin infants, but at least I'm getting more sleep and gummy smiles.

I've been a solo parent since Friday, not counting the assistance of Sadie, who is basically my nanny at this point, in addition to being a minor deity to the twins.  Things are going well so far.  I cancelled a couple of small plans but took the girls to a bridal shower on Saturday night and to a picnic yesterday.  We didn't stay very long at either, but the parties were well worth the trouble of getting out of the house and rearranging the schedule.  Today D.'s parents came over, so I left them in charge and went out to lunch with a friend, and then another friend came over for a visit.  Our 4-year-old niece accompanied her grandparents, and Little E. and I made brownies together, looked for rainbows after rain showers, and practiced her numbers and colors by counting out scoops of formula and pairing Drop-In bottles with their rings.  I sent (nearly all) the brownies home with my in-laws, and my MIL thanked me for entertaining Little E.  She is kind of a handful sometimes and never felt more so than in those first couple of months postpartum, when she was at a difficult age and I was at an especially difficult stage.  

Now I have a pizza in the oven, an excellent dry-hopped APA in front of me, and twins rocking out to a Baby Einstein DVD.  Soon I'll put the girls to bed -- this week I'm working on getting the girls to bed half an hour earlier than usual, so far with success.  The fact that I usually get 7-8 hours of sleep, mostly uninterrupted, continues to be a major blessing.

Life is good today.  I'm almost afraid to hit "publish" for fear of jinxing it.

Not-a-race update

At the beginning of the month, I mentioned that my brothers' wives were both TTC.

Being jaded from infertility, I naturally assume the person to most recently start trying will be the first to get PG.

Right again!

I am happy for my brother and his wife, but sad for my other brother (his twin) and his wife.  I've heard that SIL #1 is pretty upset... her 22-year-old sister just announced her "oops" pregnancy less than 2 weeks ago.

As for myself, well, it is true that having children after IF goes a long way in making it easier to quickly say the right thing.  But I really hope SIL #1 doesn't have to wait much longer.

(Sigh.)