In the past few months, I've wondered why I stopped blogging. The answers come readily.
I didn't have time to write long, contemplative posts.
I didn't have time to read and comment on my friends' posts.
I didn't want to expose myself.
I wanted to protect my kids' privacy.
I was relying on Facebook for easy connections.
I lost my writer's voice.
I thought that infertility was behind me.
I was ashamed of my emotions during infertility.
I didn't like the woman I had been.
I didn't know what kind of woman I could become.
I felt a bit of survivor's guilt.
I felt a lot of guilt about having postpartum depression after infertility.
I didn't think I had anything left to say.
I didn't think I could write anything worth reading.
And so it became easiest to compartmentalize: I was infertile, and now I'm not. I had all the time in the world, and now I don't. I was sad and angry, and now I have every reason to be happy. I was a good writer, and now I'm not. That was then, and this is now. But that "now" was 6 years ago.
A decade after feeling that infertility was in my past--my daughters will be 10 in November--I'm no longer ashamed or afraid of my writing. My blogging was raw, and it was honest, and it was the best writing I have ever done. I don't want it to be the best that I will ever do.
It's time to start hitting "publish" again.
*sparkling heart emoji*
Posted by: John Dedeke | September 24, 2018 at 07:14 PM
Welcome back, Miss E! :) Your voice has been missed! Looking forward to hearing more from you soon. :)
Posted by: loribeth | September 25, 2018 at 06:55 PM
One of the biggest surprises following resolving infertility by having my twins arrive was all the sudden my identity as a blogger disappeared. Suddenly I was no longer infertile and I didn't want to be a mommy-blogger. Hence I lost my voice too. And it's something I still struggle with because even though I'm not technically considered infertile, in truth I still am it the experience has shifted my entire world view.
I guess what I'm saying is, you're not alone. And though I'm just finding you now, I hope you find the inspiration to write more as you learn to find your voice again.
Posted by: Cristy | September 28, 2018 at 12:52 PM
Welcome back into the blogging world!
Posted by: Amber | October 04, 2018 at 12:36 AM