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In the past few months, I've wondered why I stopped blogging. The answers come readily.

 

I didn't have time to write long, contemplative posts.

I didn't have time to read and comment on my friends' posts.

I didn't want to expose myself.

I wanted to protect my kids' privacy.

I was relying on Facebook for easy connections.

I lost my writer's voice.

I thought that infertility was behind me.

I was ashamed of my emotions during infertility.

I didn't like the woman I had been.

I didn't know what kind of woman I could become.

I felt a bit of survivor's guilt.

I felt a lot of guilt about having postpartum depression after infertility.

I didn't think I had anything left to say.

I didn't think I could write anything worth reading.

 

And so it became easiest to compartmentalize: I was infertile, and now I'm not. I had all the time in the world, and now I don't. I was sad and angry, and now I have every reason to be happy. I was a good writer, and now I'm not. That was then, and this is now. But that "now" was 6 years ago. 

A decade after feeling that infertility was in my past--my daughters will be 10 in November--I'm no longer ashamed or afraid of my writing. My blogging was raw, and it was honest, and it was the best writing I have ever done. I don't want it to be the best that I will ever do.

It's time to start hitting "publish" again. 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[John Dedeke]

*sparkling heart emoji*

[loribeth]

Welcome back, Miss E! :) Your voice has been missed! Looking forward to hearing more from you soon. :)

[Cristy]

One of the biggest surprises following resolving infertility by having my twins arrive was all the sudden my identity as a blogger disappeared. Suddenly I was no longer infertile and I didn't want to be a mommy-blogger. Hence I lost my voice too. And it's something I still struggle with because even though I'm not technically considered infertile, in truth I still am it the experience has shifted my entire world view.

I guess what I'm saying is, you're not alone. And though I'm just finding you now, I hope you find the inspiration to write more as you learn to find your voice again.

[Amber]

Welcome back into the blogging world!